A Guy I'm Starting to Like

I haven't wrote in here in a while...well i guess alot has happened...Preshus's catilion...year end...and thats mainly tha big events...well year end was really good...i had fun...and thats when I saw Carlo...I've known him before...like Four years ago was the last time i saw him at youth camp...And i remembered really well that he wiped his sweat on me!!! lol...well that is how he remembers me too after I had to remind him lol...well I saw carlo and i was like oh shoot!!! HAHA...I thought he was kinda cute...but i neva thought nething else of it...so he was there in and outta tha sactuary...during service and stuff...i was eyein him lol...then he left early...i ws like darn...i wnt be able to introduce myself to him...i was like watever...not really trippin

When the service ends i ask his brotha Aaron about him...he just sed tha usual stuff i already knew about him...then i asked kayla bout him and she told me some stuff lol...i told her not to tell Aaron lol...

The next day roles around and its preshus's catilion...we did all the stuff, get ready, drive around, everywhere, take pictures ect...Hadda hella fun time...got my drank on lol

The next day Jenn and I went to babysit Lanie...I was bored so I thought of lookin up carlo on Aaron's page...Score I found him!!! hahaha...thats how we started talkin from there

It's been like 2 weeks we've been talkin now...we talk every night...He asked me to meet his family next thanksgiving!!!!...like omg!!!...He related to the Manondongs!!!!...bleh..I'm not trippen out about the rest of the family...But Jon jon, Analyn, and Jessie!!!...I don't know if they even like me!!! lol...AAAAAHHHHH...omg IM SCARED HAHA...hopefully everything will be good...aaaaahhhh...bleh...okay..tis all...i'll blog more later

niaomi's wedding

so this past weekend was my cousin's wedding...it made me realize alot of things...first of..is that i barely know my family on my dad's side...i dont even know some of my own cousin's names!!!...thats really sad...i really want to get to know them better...i barely know there lives except for the fact wer related to the same people on my dad's side!!!...they are alot more fun the cousin's i have on my momz side lol

also...weddings...every single time i wanna plan my wedding...i only need a few things...a place to have it, my colors, a groom, and side for table arrangements lol...weddings are so lovely...its funny i always say i want a wedding but not a mmarraiage lol...plannin all those stuff must be stressful AND fun at the same time...i love dollin up for big events n stuff...wat more my own wedding???

ima have everything,...tha fireworks, doves, outside wedding...omg...its gunna be tha tightest weddin neone has ever had!!! lol...plusmmy rock gunna be so big it brakes my arm!!!! lol

ALSO I WORE THAT DRESS TWICE!!!..which is really embarassing lol

fugis..IM HUNGRY!!!!

I WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND!!!...funny this is a picture at great america though ahaha..but i will be goin to disneyland in december or january!!!!!!!...yay me!!! hahaha

so this weekend...is my cuzos big old wedding!!!...i cant wait haha...i love dollin up lol...its gunna be at tha base...i love goin to weddings!!!..i want a wedding...but not a marriage haha...sometimes i actually want both haha...this blog is so out of it!!!

its cuz im bored!!! haha...so im tryna get into my old xanga...but i cant figure out my old user name n password haha

i need a new hairstyle...im so gettin tired of this one...i had it since may...as everyone can tell i have like add with my hair haha...i can have tha same hairstyle for too long...im surprised i left it on this long...i normally change it with in 2 months hah

well its lunch time for me...i will be back!!!! lol

THE APOLOGY

So finally Brian apologized to me...It really felt good that he did...i finally have the clouser that I've been wanting...

I admit I felt all these feelings comming back a little...he kept saying that he owes me alot

YEAH THAT NIGGA DO!!...yeah i still care for him...yeah that made miss him..but watever...everything that's happening is supose to be happening

i am so happy in my life rite now...i love my life and every thats in it and especially the people who isnt anymore!!!

So brian...if you ever read this...i love you and take care...thank you for this last four years of lessons learned..hope everything goes good for you and that you do find the right girl someday..

P.S....I MIGHT ASK THAT PAYMENT FROM YOU SOMEDAY LOL

mad/irked/period blog..no one know bout this blogger..so noone gunna read it!!!!!

Alot has changed....went to shawna n christianz wedding...me n del got in a hella long 2 month fight and made up...he go out with nikki...scandeless rite since tha whole camille thing lol...brian still prank calls me..moved to friscko..now movin back to alemeda in a few weeks...had my debut show and my photo shoot...graduating either sept 27, or oct. 4...so exited..yeah i think thats bout it

Rite now I'm just in my room here in friscko...my whole fam went to mexico with out me cuz i have school..gettin my hair did tomorrow..ppl so irkin me rite now though...nothing really exciting at this very moment happening in my life...just waitin for abdc to start so i can go to sleep rite after...tomorrow is youth nite and on saturday is the leaderz outting

sometimes i feel confused with my life...like what am i going to do after i graduate???...like wat salon should i go to??..or should i even do salons...what if i do photoshoots???...idk really wat to do...the closest thing i got to model wise is my cuzo...one of the hoe models...all i did was cut and color her hair though...oh well...at least gettin print for it

but still idk wer to go or do...or should i even stay down here???..ive been wanting to go down south for hella long alredy...i really dont want to stay up here...tha youth group all paired up...lianne n jae, michelle n eugene, aus n irka, jenn n jordan, jojo n jill, jordel n nikki...well nikki isnt part of tha youth...i feel all left out n stuff...

like really i dont want to get into tha world agen...done that for a lil while...i dnt wanna keep datin around cuz im bored...sorry guys...i was just lookin for something to do everytime you took me out...a relationship dont really suit my intrest rite now...get back at me in like 3months...i really dont know

maybe u should move down south...thats what ive been wanting to do for so long alredy..or move to hawaii....like get away from up here...cuz basically im gettin hella sick of it...and is it me or is jaegar gettin more and more rude everytime i see his rude ass...bleh...

also...wats a cell phone for if you dont answer tha damn thing???...yeah i understand if u dnt wanna talk...but if i leave a message cuz i want to get something done..call me back!!!..at tha most it wud only take like 30mins!!! geez louize!!!!

also people that change afta they get in a relationship...i hate it!!!...geez remember who your old frens are???...and tha ones that helped you get through ur las friggin heartache...u see who ur real frens are afta they get in a damn relationship...they just leave u hangin...shoot...nxt time you get into a heartache my ass aint gunna be there niggaSSSSSSS...

peace out niggas...hopefully a nap will make me feel better

bleh...i think im gettin period or im really sick of it here in northern california...damn it...maybe a lil of both haha

SO THA GUYS KEEP ROLLIN IN

So I think it is quite hillerious....guys kep rollin in when i said im thappy that im single!!!...too
bad they aint all that cute though....lol

i think im just realoly picky...so fellas...if u aint taller then me, or hella fine lookin...im sorry lol

kinda mean i noe...bein a lol cocky i noe haha

feelin tha love

so im talkin to jill...dang i miss her...she started talk bout how proud of me she was...

so i started thinkin to myself...i love my life...im spoiled, i got outta a really bad relationship, im goin to school my parents are paying for, im movin into my own apartment, i have frens n family who support me in everything i do, MY GOD LOVES ME TO DEATH...LITERALLY...im so happy with my life...i finally realize i dnt needa boy to make me happy

thank you GOD....for everything you've done for me..im so BLESSED...you bless me so much im spoiled!!!!...u still love me even wen im doin something wrong...your here with me no matta wat...u love me more then any one...thank you for my WONDERFUL frens...thank you for my awsome parents...thank you for my wonderful life!!!!...i love you LORD!!!!!

SOMETHING I THOUGHT I NEVA WUD BE..BUT NOW I NOE I WILL NEVA BE AGAIN

this is a blog i wrote to brian in my notebook on how he made me feel...its more like a spoken word...i just thought it was good lol..BRIAN if your reading this...the only reason why i put this is because i thought it was good spoken word sort of thing...YES I AM OVER YOU...in not that pathetice to be still crying over you till now

i remeber telling myself i would never be one those girls

those girls whoz boyfriends treat them like crap

i never knew what those girls thought

i always asked myself why are those girls so stupid?

dont they see whats happening to them

why do they keep goin back when they know its never going to change

why do they hold on

i alwaysed asked why do THOSE girls do that

i dont ask do THOSE girls do that anymore

i ask why do I do that

its sad to say that i HAD have turned in THOSE girls

i keep telling myself "its never going to change, he will ALWAYS be a jerk"

i know now THOSE girls thought the samething

the answer is simple

in the back of our heads we still have that hope

the hope of yes he will change

the hope of it being like it WAS, the good times, the love that WAS there

we are blinded on how things WERE before they were bad

we go into that thinking oh i cant stand seeing him with another girl, i have to be the one with the new relationship first

REALITY...how will you get a new guy if you cant get rid of ur old one?

that small hope of him changing is what kills us the most along with the words baby i love you

i promise i wont do it again..all that bullshit that they say that will make us stay

we cant accept that fact that things will NEVER be the same and or that he will NEVER change

our friends and family see us hurting

the most they can do is try and comfort us...they do what they can

but they know the pain is still there

i feel that pain of gettin hurt over and over and over again

wondering what the hell i did wrong

that small hope of brian changing...

when i know that he isnt

they daily routine of being stuck here hurting, being lied to and feeling worthless

crying my eyes out cuz of the fighting, calling him none stop hoping he will pick up but knowing he wont thinking to myself "im so pathetic"

tears are rolling down late at nite, still tryn to call him, wanting to call my friends to help me ease the pain but cant because they wont know how i feel

an hour passes by tears are still rolling down my eyes while STILL tryn to get hold of him, with him noeing that im cryong my eyes out then i would fall alseep with my pillow soaked in tears

being unhappy 24/7

with no one knowing with what im going through

(but kristine noes now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

yeah needs some werk but im proud of myself i can write so good lol....i like that little touch at the end lol

HERE BORED!!!!

I felt like being concided today so i put 2 pics up lol...well im here bored in alemeda...neone wanna come out and play??? lol

i was lookin at pics from tha motherland...darn...i hella want that orange tan back...i looked soo hot lol...as u can tell from tha pic of me with tha lama...but that wsnt in tha motherland lol..i dnt look hot in that pic tohugh lol

bored n hungry...i cant wait till tomorrow...my haircut will be finished!!! lol...i needa make frens here in alemeda lol...all my frens are either across tha bay bridge or tha otha bridge haha...i hate being so lonely lol

things got me thinking

so im home rite now...really really bored...i wanna move back to vallejo...bleh...lol...but yeah
went to panera bread today...bomb as usual

so i was thinking yesturday...we some wat had a religion talk at school...buddism...not a religion but a way of life...isnt that christianity also???...well my favorite teach HELLAnette is buddist...she was talkin bout her new bf...how he was christian baptized...like his whole fam is hardcore christian...she was sayn stuff bout tha preachin..how she dint like it cuz pin pointed her out like on everything she sed...she sed stuff bout being christianize...now things shud be perfect n stuff

me..tha usual quiet type...was just observin...also wonderin wen i wud go in n defend my half...but neva got tha chance too...

so i will say it here

wer not all like that...most of us christians are just like you....yes there are those christianize people in this world but for tha most part no...cuz i noe we scare them away...also there are people who also say christian people are a bunch of fakes...they have a life like tha way they do like all bad n stuff...but like they go to church n all that stuff

yes i also admit i am somewat like that...but not really...wer not perfect...some christians live 2 different lives...all good in front of the youth group but hella bad wer their with tha seculars...yeah i go out n party...i also admit i drink...but ive only been drunk or buzzed...or wateva u call it twice in my life...i also admite i'll drink socially but not to get drunk...that part i have to werk on...i slip out sometimes wer i swear...but who doesnt???...bleh...i have no idea wer im gettin at lol

for those people who like to judge on wat christians really are...yes there are those sterotypicall ones...but go to mym church for a sunday or a youth nite...try it out...see how you like it..if you dont...then you neva have to come back..ur choice

by tha way...out concert is MAY 10...come n support us!!!!...all proceeds go to a good cause

1st blog of the year

i like tha way i look in this pic...except for my eyebrows haha

but yeah...havt writtin here in a while...like i always write in here alot neways...haha

life has been good...my n brian...WER FOREALS DONE!!!...you people are either like damn finally...or thinkin how long them bein done gunna last this time lol

well we are foreals done...havnt talked to him in a while...its better that way for the both of us...i admit i do miss him from time to time but watever..wer done, he was a jerk, and im sorta feelin this one guy...

i turned 20 exactly a week ago...sadly i have those quarter mid life crisis sort of thing... i noe im young but im still gettin old no matter wat lol

i hadda bbq with jordan las sunday...they caked me so bad...i hadda whole cake in my face!!! haha....fun times

im also somewat hangin around chrissy's frens more often...they a bunch of cool people lol...made some cool homies...funny...their all hogan people lol

ive realized something last sunday...it was during alter call....jojo came up to me n sed i miss sing you cry...i was allt hinking, wait, all the times i used to cry was at alter call, then i realized GOD misses me always crying and yearning for him

when i was with brian that was all i ever did...GOD doesnt just want me to come to him when im hurting...he wants me to come to him even when im happy like now...also he told me yes, i have putted you with this group of people, yes i have ate with sinners, but i didnt sin with them...i admit when i hung out with them i drunk with them too...i got HELLA drunk one time, i passed out threw up and everything, i cudnt remember nething...i also admit that is something i have to werk on too...but i noe i wnt get as drunk as i did at that one party

things u learn or realized wen you least expect it...i love it lol

that's all for now!!!!