feelin tha love

so im talkin to jill...dang i miss her...she started talk bout how proud of me she was...

so i started thinkin to myself...i love my life...im spoiled, i got outta a really bad relationship, im goin to school my parents are paying for, im movin into my own apartment, i have frens n family who support me in everything i do, MY GOD LOVES ME TO DEATH...LITERALLY...im so happy with my life...i finally realize i dnt needa boy to make me happy

thank you GOD....for everything you've done for me..im so BLESSED...you bless me so much im spoiled!!!!...u still love me even wen im doin something wrong...your here with me no matta wat...u love me more then any one...thank you for my WONDERFUL frens...thank you for my awsome parents...thank you for my wonderful life!!!!...i love you LORD!!!!!

SOMETHING I THOUGHT I NEVA WUD BE..BUT NOW I NOE I WILL NEVA BE AGAIN

this is a blog i wrote to brian in my notebook on how he made me feel...its more like a spoken word...i just thought it was good lol..BRIAN if your reading this...the only reason why i put this is because i thought it was good spoken word sort of thing...YES I AM OVER YOU...in not that pathetice to be still crying over you till now

i remeber telling myself i would never be one those girls

those girls whoz boyfriends treat them like crap

i never knew what those girls thought

i always asked myself why are those girls so stupid?

dont they see whats happening to them

why do they keep goin back when they know its never going to change

why do they hold on

i alwaysed asked why do THOSE girls do that

i dont ask do THOSE girls do that anymore

i ask why do I do that

its sad to say that i HAD have turned in THOSE girls

i keep telling myself "its never going to change, he will ALWAYS be a jerk"

i know now THOSE girls thought the samething

the answer is simple

in the back of our heads we still have that hope

the hope of yes he will change

the hope of it being like it WAS, the good times, the love that WAS there

we are blinded on how things WERE before they were bad

we go into that thinking oh i cant stand seeing him with another girl, i have to be the one with the new relationship first

REALITY...how will you get a new guy if you cant get rid of ur old one?

that small hope of him changing is what kills us the most along with the words baby i love you

i promise i wont do it again..all that bullshit that they say that will make us stay

we cant accept that fact that things will NEVER be the same and or that he will NEVER change

our friends and family see us hurting

the most they can do is try and comfort us...they do what they can

but they know the pain is still there

i feel that pain of gettin hurt over and over and over again

wondering what the hell i did wrong

that small hope of brian changing...

when i know that he isnt

they daily routine of being stuck here hurting, being lied to and feeling worthless

crying my eyes out cuz of the fighting, calling him none stop hoping he will pick up but knowing he wont thinking to myself "im so pathetic"

tears are rolling down late at nite, still tryn to call him, wanting to call my friends to help me ease the pain but cant because they wont know how i feel

an hour passes by tears are still rolling down my eyes while STILL tryn to get hold of him, with him noeing that im cryong my eyes out then i would fall alseep with my pillow soaked in tears

being unhappy 24/7

with no one knowing with what im going through

(but kristine noes now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

yeah needs some werk but im proud of myself i can write so good lol....i like that little touch at the end lol