HERE BORED!!!!

I felt like being concided today so i put 2 pics up lol...well im here bored in alemeda...neone wanna come out and play??? lol

i was lookin at pics from tha motherland...darn...i hella want that orange tan back...i looked soo hot lol...as u can tell from tha pic of me with tha lama...but that wsnt in tha motherland lol..i dnt look hot in that pic tohugh lol

bored n hungry...i cant wait till tomorrow...my haircut will be finished!!! lol...i needa make frens here in alemeda lol...all my frens are either across tha bay bridge or tha otha bridge haha...i hate being so lonely lol

things got me thinking

so im home rite now...really really bored...i wanna move back to vallejo...bleh...lol...but yeah
went to panera bread today...bomb as usual

so i was thinking yesturday...we some wat had a religion talk at school...buddism...not a religion but a way of life...isnt that christianity also???...well my favorite teach HELLAnette is buddist...she was talkin bout her new bf...how he was christian baptized...like his whole fam is hardcore christian...she was sayn stuff bout tha preachin..how she dint like it cuz pin pointed her out like on everything she sed...she sed stuff bout being christianize...now things shud be perfect n stuff

me..tha usual quiet type...was just observin...also wonderin wen i wud go in n defend my half...but neva got tha chance too...

so i will say it here

wer not all like that...most of us christians are just like you....yes there are those christianize people in this world but for tha most part no...cuz i noe we scare them away...also there are people who also say christian people are a bunch of fakes...they have a life like tha way they do like all bad n stuff...but like they go to church n all that stuff

yes i also admit i am somewat like that...but not really...wer not perfect...some christians live 2 different lives...all good in front of the youth group but hella bad wer their with tha seculars...yeah i go out n party...i also admit i drink...but ive only been drunk or buzzed...or wateva u call it twice in my life...i also admite i'll drink socially but not to get drunk...that part i have to werk on...i slip out sometimes wer i swear...but who doesnt???...bleh...i have no idea wer im gettin at lol

for those people who like to judge on wat christians really are...yes there are those sterotypicall ones...but go to mym church for a sunday or a youth nite...try it out...see how you like it..if you dont...then you neva have to come back..ur choice

by tha way...out concert is MAY 10...come n support us!!!!...all proceeds go to a good cause

1st blog of the year

i like tha way i look in this pic...except for my eyebrows haha

but yeah...havt writtin here in a while...like i always write in here alot neways...haha

life has been good...my n brian...WER FOREALS DONE!!!...you people are either like damn finally...or thinkin how long them bein done gunna last this time lol

well we are foreals done...havnt talked to him in a while...its better that way for the both of us...i admit i do miss him from time to time but watever..wer done, he was a jerk, and im sorta feelin this one guy...

i turned 20 exactly a week ago...sadly i have those quarter mid life crisis sort of thing... i noe im young but im still gettin old no matter wat lol

i hadda bbq with jordan las sunday...they caked me so bad...i hadda whole cake in my face!!! haha....fun times

im also somewat hangin around chrissy's frens more often...they a bunch of cool people lol...made some cool homies...funny...their all hogan people lol

ive realized something last sunday...it was during alter call....jojo came up to me n sed i miss sing you cry...i was allt hinking, wait, all the times i used to cry was at alter call, then i realized GOD misses me always crying and yearning for him

when i was with brian that was all i ever did...GOD doesnt just want me to come to him when im hurting...he wants me to come to him even when im happy like now...also he told me yes, i have putted you with this group of people, yes i have ate with sinners, but i didnt sin with them...i admit when i hung out with them i drunk with them too...i got HELLA drunk one time, i passed out threw up and everything, i cudnt remember nething...i also admit that is something i have to werk on too...but i noe i wnt get as drunk as i did at that one party

things u learn or realized wen you least expect it...i love it lol

that's all for now!!!!

DEDICATED TO BRIAN HOLCOMBE

Everytime i think about you i think: "i was never good enough"you treated christel and kristine better then me...you went to see them, you bought them stuff, you spent time with them. you never cheated or anything wrong with them...



to me you: lied, cheated, never saw me, never even called me on my birthday, never even got me a card, you never called back, you always got mad at me for always geting suspisous of you cheating and you know why,. most of all you made me feel like i wasnt worth anything. i was in san diego and you didnt even come and see me!!!!!!!!!!....i was less then 20mins away from you!!!! when you where in friscko you didnt even come see me!!!...there i was less then 10mins away from you!!!!!1



i know you never said anything verbally but your actions made it seem like that...to me I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH for you to even just see once in the past 2 1/2 years. The only nice thing you ever did for me was talk to me on the fone



dont get me wrong...i loved all the times we talked on the fone...but really...it felt like i was in a relationship with my cell phone...i only saw you once in my life...kinda sad huh??...i only saw you once because i was never good enough to see again



I did more stuff for you than you ever did for me...your the guy isnt it supose to be the other way around?...i got you cards on your birthdays and christmas.. i called you on your birthday, i got you presents, i let you put me through the stress of you on my fone bill and payin me late, i took you back when you did me wrong, i let you make me cry and get mad at me even more when i did. i made my 18th birthday in la just so you can come, did you. i never told you this but i was crying because you never came that day...i was crying on my own birthday cuz of you!!!



the wrong i did to you: i cussed at you when you cheated, i cussed at you when ever you didnt pay me, and i kept callin your house disturbing your whole family till YOU answered. and you know you deserved it



the main point im getting at is why???....what did i do to make u treat me like that?...why havnt you ever came to see me?...you havnt you ever done a nice jesture for me?...you say you got me stuff...why couldnt you have sent it?







WHAT DID I DO TO MAKE YOU TREAT ME THE WAY YOU DO?

YOU MAKE ME SO MAD!!!

you get on my nerves....wen wer mad at each otha your really mean!!!!....omg...ima crack!!!!...you think its hella hard just on your end dont you???...all you friggin think bout is yourself and how hard it is for you!!!!...dont you know how hard it is for me too??? huh???.... your not the only one that friggin has problems in this world...stop bein hella selfish!!!! your the one always bein hella mean bout shizz!!!!....your da one makin it hard!!!!! a simple call back!!!...omg is that so friggin hard!!! DAMN!!!!...who ever reads this you guys noe who im talkin about!!!!...you really dont get it do you????...everything has to go ur friggin way dont it???...why cant it be my way sometimes....your on da fone with me now...your just silent...ur friggin ANNOYIN AND BORING!!!!!!!

fustraited

furstriated cuz i have no money!!!!...look at me jenn n jae!!!! eatin safeway canned food!!! n jae n ericka got nasty tastin salsa!!!!

i cudnt sleep

the start of last summer

so i was lyin in bed...idk...i ws really upset bout sumthings...either that or im just getting my period soon...i started trippin off brian...then i started thinkin bout the youth group how things are different since i got back...i really think i am gettin my rag...cuz i noe ima get it if i cry for no reason...n thats wat i did tonite haha

it is now 306am...jordel called me 30mins ago...he cudnt sleep either...he told me what he did yesturday (sunday)...he sed stuff bout berkely den goin to play tenis...once he sed tenis..i ws like omg...i remember wen we used to that last summer...da youth wud be at glen cove park or sumwer playin with a volleyball...i miss those good times...what was the highest number we got up to??? lol

it is already the middle of summer...its been since i got back home...make the most of it rite???....im hungry...i think ima eat...den hopefully sleep adios