niaomi's wedding

so this past weekend was my cousin's wedding...it made me realize alot of things...first of..is that i barely know my family on my dad's side...i dont even know some of my own cousin's names!!!...thats really sad...i really want to get to know them better...i barely know there lives except for the fact wer related to the same people on my dad's side!!!...they are alot more fun the cousin's i have on my momz side lol

also...weddings...every single time i wanna plan my wedding...i only need a few things...a place to have it, my colors, a groom, and side for table arrangements lol...weddings are so lovely...its funny i always say i want a wedding but not a mmarraiage lol...plannin all those stuff must be stressful AND fun at the same time...i love dollin up for big events n stuff...wat more my own wedding???

ima have everything,...tha fireworks, doves, outside wedding...omg...its gunna be tha tightest weddin neone has ever had!!! lol...plusmmy rock gunna be so big it brakes my arm!!!! lol

ALSO I WORE THAT DRESS TWICE!!!..which is really embarassing lol

fugis..IM HUNGRY!!!!

I WANT TO GO TO DISNEYLAND!!!...funny this is a picture at great america though ahaha..but i will be goin to disneyland in december or january!!!!!!!...yay me!!! hahaha

so this weekend...is my cuzos big old wedding!!!...i cant wait haha...i love dollin up lol...its gunna be at tha base...i love goin to weddings!!!..i want a wedding...but not a marriage haha...sometimes i actually want both haha...this blog is so out of it!!!

its cuz im bored!!! haha...so im tryna get into my old xanga...but i cant figure out my old user name n password haha

i need a new hairstyle...im so gettin tired of this one...i had it since may...as everyone can tell i have like add with my hair haha...i can have tha same hairstyle for too long...im surprised i left it on this long...i normally change it with in 2 months hah

well its lunch time for me...i will be back!!!! lol

THE APOLOGY

So finally Brian apologized to me...It really felt good that he did...i finally have the clouser that I've been wanting...

I admit I felt all these feelings comming back a little...he kept saying that he owes me alot

YEAH THAT NIGGA DO!!...yeah i still care for him...yeah that made miss him..but watever...everything that's happening is supose to be happening

i am so happy in my life rite now...i love my life and every thats in it and especially the people who isnt anymore!!!

So brian...if you ever read this...i love you and take care...thank you for this last four years of lessons learned..hope everything goes good for you and that you do find the right girl someday..

P.S....I MIGHT ASK THAT PAYMENT FROM YOU SOMEDAY LOL

mad/irked/period blog..no one know bout this blogger..so noone gunna read it!!!!!

Alot has changed....went to shawna n christianz wedding...me n del got in a hella long 2 month fight and made up...he go out with nikki...scandeless rite since tha whole camille thing lol...brian still prank calls me..moved to friscko..now movin back to alemeda in a few weeks...had my debut show and my photo shoot...graduating either sept 27, or oct. 4...so exited..yeah i think thats bout it

Rite now I'm just in my room here in friscko...my whole fam went to mexico with out me cuz i have school..gettin my hair did tomorrow..ppl so irkin me rite now though...nothing really exciting at this very moment happening in my life...just waitin for abdc to start so i can go to sleep rite after...tomorrow is youth nite and on saturday is the leaderz outting

sometimes i feel confused with my life...like what am i going to do after i graduate???...like wat salon should i go to??..or should i even do salons...what if i do photoshoots???...idk really wat to do...the closest thing i got to model wise is my cuzo...one of the hoe models...all i did was cut and color her hair though...oh well...at least gettin print for it

but still idk wer to go or do...or should i even stay down here???..ive been wanting to go down south for hella long alredy...i really dont want to stay up here...tha youth group all paired up...lianne n jae, michelle n eugene, aus n irka, jenn n jordan, jojo n jill, jordel n nikki...well nikki isnt part of tha youth...i feel all left out n stuff...

like really i dont want to get into tha world agen...done that for a lil while...i dnt wanna keep datin around cuz im bored...sorry guys...i was just lookin for something to do everytime you took me out...a relationship dont really suit my intrest rite now...get back at me in like 3months...i really dont know

maybe u should move down south...thats what ive been wanting to do for so long alredy..or move to hawaii....like get away from up here...cuz basically im gettin hella sick of it...and is it me or is jaegar gettin more and more rude everytime i see his rude ass...bleh...

also...wats a cell phone for if you dont answer tha damn thing???...yeah i understand if u dnt wanna talk...but if i leave a message cuz i want to get something done..call me back!!!..at tha most it wud only take like 30mins!!! geez louize!!!!

also people that change afta they get in a relationship...i hate it!!!...geez remember who your old frens are???...and tha ones that helped you get through ur las friggin heartache...u see who ur real frens are afta they get in a damn relationship...they just leave u hangin...shoot...nxt time you get into a heartache my ass aint gunna be there niggaSSSSSSS...

peace out niggas...hopefully a nap will make me feel better

bleh...i think im gettin period or im really sick of it here in northern california...damn it...maybe a lil of both haha

SO THA GUYS KEEP ROLLIN IN

So I think it is quite hillerious....guys kep rollin in when i said im thappy that im single!!!...too
bad they aint all that cute though....lol

i think im just realoly picky...so fellas...if u aint taller then me, or hella fine lookin...im sorry lol

kinda mean i noe...bein a lol cocky i noe haha

feelin tha love

so im talkin to jill...dang i miss her...she started talk bout how proud of me she was...

so i started thinkin to myself...i love my life...im spoiled, i got outta a really bad relationship, im goin to school my parents are paying for, im movin into my own apartment, i have frens n family who support me in everything i do, MY GOD LOVES ME TO DEATH...LITERALLY...im so happy with my life...i finally realize i dnt needa boy to make me happy

thank you GOD....for everything you've done for me..im so BLESSED...you bless me so much im spoiled!!!!...u still love me even wen im doin something wrong...your here with me no matta wat...u love me more then any one...thank you for my WONDERFUL frens...thank you for my awsome parents...thank you for my wonderful life!!!!...i love you LORD!!!!!

SOMETHING I THOUGHT I NEVA WUD BE..BUT NOW I NOE I WILL NEVA BE AGAIN

this is a blog i wrote to brian in my notebook on how he made me feel...its more like a spoken word...i just thought it was good lol..BRIAN if your reading this...the only reason why i put this is because i thought it was good spoken word sort of thing...YES I AM OVER YOU...in not that pathetice to be still crying over you till now

i remeber telling myself i would never be one those girls

those girls whoz boyfriends treat them like crap

i never knew what those girls thought

i always asked myself why are those girls so stupid?

dont they see whats happening to them

why do they keep goin back when they know its never going to change

why do they hold on

i alwaysed asked why do THOSE girls do that

i dont ask do THOSE girls do that anymore

i ask why do I do that

its sad to say that i HAD have turned in THOSE girls

i keep telling myself "its never going to change, he will ALWAYS be a jerk"

i know now THOSE girls thought the samething

the answer is simple

in the back of our heads we still have that hope

the hope of yes he will change

the hope of it being like it WAS, the good times, the love that WAS there

we are blinded on how things WERE before they were bad

we go into that thinking oh i cant stand seeing him with another girl, i have to be the one with the new relationship first

REALITY...how will you get a new guy if you cant get rid of ur old one?

that small hope of him changing is what kills us the most along with the words baby i love you

i promise i wont do it again..all that bullshit that they say that will make us stay

we cant accept that fact that things will NEVER be the same and or that he will NEVER change

our friends and family see us hurting

the most they can do is try and comfort us...they do what they can

but they know the pain is still there

i feel that pain of gettin hurt over and over and over again

wondering what the hell i did wrong

that small hope of brian changing...

when i know that he isnt

they daily routine of being stuck here hurting, being lied to and feeling worthless

crying my eyes out cuz of the fighting, calling him none stop hoping he will pick up but knowing he wont thinking to myself "im so pathetic"

tears are rolling down late at nite, still tryn to call him, wanting to call my friends to help me ease the pain but cant because they wont know how i feel

an hour passes by tears are still rolling down my eyes while STILL tryn to get hold of him, with him noeing that im cryong my eyes out then i would fall alseep with my pillow soaked in tears

being unhappy 24/7

with no one knowing with what im going through

(but kristine noes now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

yeah needs some werk but im proud of myself i can write so good lol....i like that little touch at the end lol